His head jerks up, gaze angry and a little bit just tired, still drunk and focused all on Arthur. The card dents in his fingers like he's gripping on to something, anything with all of his might, holding on to it for dear life and when he speaks his voice is quiet, simmering underneath.

"Do you even bloody know me at all, Arthur? For christ sake, I would have followed you to the end of the sodding earth. You were -" and he sucks in a breath, pushing away from the wall, away from Arthur, movements a little unco-ordinated and sloppy like he's trying to put distance between them both while still drunk, still feeling too much all at once, "My plane leaves in four hours. I -"

He runs a hand through his hair, keeping his back to the other man, "Mal was never wrong, she knew me better than I did. She knew just how I felt, but she didn't understand why I just couldn't -- You terrified me."