loadedparadox | Risking everything he never knew he had

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Risking everything he never knew he had - For eamesofdreams

It was like a dream collapsing around you after the dreamer woke up. It was all falling apart before Arthur had ever really had a chance to know what he had. He hadn't wanted to leave Ariadne, holding that petite form to his with a hope that it would just all go away. Except it wouldn't and she was right. She deserved to know everything, to make an informed decision. Deep down he knew it was all hers to make. It always had been.

He cheated in tracking down Eames. An hour earlier and he'd have looked in every bar and hole in the wall dive near the warehouse. Instead he used the GPS in Eames' phone, figuring the other man hadn't known Arthur had turned it on one day after realizing just how close Eames and Ariadne were. He had to look out for her, now, then, always.

In the time between leaving her place and arriving at the bar, he had pulled himself together. Pushing open the door, standing there lit by pulsating neon and dim behind the bar lights, Arthur wasn't thinking of the image he presented. Stony face with his jaw tight and dark eyes narrowed, his suit impeccable and probably costing more than the cars some of the people drove. He didn't care about anything but tracking down Eames and doing what he'd promised. Finding out just where things stood.

And if he got angry enough over the replaying image in his head - the one of Eames smiling as he shot himself - then he had no qualms about settling this with a hard right other than words.

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"Yes, ignore your honesty." He shook his head, looking at Eames fondly. "Because I have ever put up with anyone I hate," he said, almost as if to himself.

"I plan to. Anyway, the entire world knows what a liar I am. The thought of me telling the truth would destroy the whole infrastructure."

Arthur didn't say a word, staring ahead but not watching anyone. He didn't believe a word of it, but that didn't stop a momentary emotional reaction. That was going to become Arthur's issue in all this, and already he knew he needed to control his emotions for his own sake.

"I'm sure we'll learn to adapt."

"You're thinking too hard," Eames murmurs, intending it to sound like a complaint but really it just comes out concerned and curious, "I didn't lie to you, Arthur. I won't. I'm just saying that - I don't know. We're all very stuck in our natures. Change can happen, it just might take time."

"I'm not asking you to change, Eames. Nor do I expect you to.I was more refering to my own need to adapt to a few things," he said, voice neutral and controlled, but not clipped."Nothing to be concerned about. Or annoyed." The last added with a slight smile.

"It's a shame I like you just the way you are then, hm?"

"I think it speaks of your good taste in things, but I have to accept that I need to adjust to being more...forthcoming. If</> this works out. Otherwise it is a moot point."

Certainly he would have no need for control if he bailed and went back to being a dark force in freelancing.

"We'll deal with it as it comes, Arthur." It's what they have to do, Eames knows this as much as anyone.

He gives a nod to that, not knowing what else to say. Despite all he could wish for, he was mentally cataloging his options, the things he had secreted away from his days on the run with a man wanted for murder. If need be, he could start over. Alone. He just wouldn't stay like he had with Dom. With Eames and Mal and Ariadne.

"You can't leave," Eames throws him a look, reading into his silence, "Darling. If I'm staying than you have to."

Arthur gave him a withering look. "Quit doing that." Except, secretly, he liked that anyone had taken the time to know him that well.

"Can't, darling. It's just this thing I have, the ability to read you. But I swear, you even think about buggering off, I will follow you."

"No." He shook his head. "If she asks me to leave, then you stay with her." His voice was hard at that, determined. "Promise me you'll stay with her," he said.

Eames pauses, stops in his stride to look at Arthur, "jesus christ. You - I. Yes, I'll look after her, Artjur. But if she doesn't ask you to go, you can't go."

"Yeah, I know. I'm an arsehole." It was a cruel thing to ask but he'd look out for her, even if she wanted him gone. "I... I'll try. I don't want to leave, Eames."

"Then don't, Arthur."

He sounds sincere, serious for a moment and he should probably move, keep going. "Don't go. Not again."

"If she doesn't ask me to leave, I won't.' He couldn't promise one of them he'd stay and have the other never want to see him again. "I..." There were some words Arthur never said but he had to say them sometimes. "I'm sorry I left. Back then. I just..." He shook his head. He handled grief badly.

"I'm sorry I didn't come after you. I thought you'd chosen, I didn't want you telling me you didn't want me."

"Eames..." He sighed. "She was dead. After all that, and the family we'd become and she was dead. She left us and I couldn't leave Dom after that when he'd lost her and the kids and..." He looked down and back up. "And I didn't think you needed me. Not like he did." That brought a pause and then an arched brow. "Not that I was ever with him in any way I've ever thought of you so don't go there."

"I know, Arthur. I do know. I just - I don't know. Jesus. I just hated it, okay? She was gone and then you - I didn't know what to do, so I didn't do anything, and it was stupid."

"It won't happen again,' he said, feeling trapped for a moment but it was right. It was the truth.

"Just - next time? Talk to me, I know I'm hard to track down but you of all people always know where I am so, just. Talk."

"Right." He gave Eames a look, pointed and sharp. "Because despite my penchant for always having a plan and details, I'm so good about talking out my emotions."

"Even if the talking's just to call me a bastard, arse. If you disappear I can't see you, I can't read you."

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