loadedparadox | Risking everything he never knew he had

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Risking everything he never knew he had - For eamesofdreams

It was like a dream collapsing around you after the dreamer woke up. It was all falling apart before Arthur had ever really had a chance to know what he had. He hadn't wanted to leave Ariadne, holding that petite form to his with a hope that it would just all go away. Except it wouldn't and she was right. She deserved to know everything, to make an informed decision. Deep down he knew it was all hers to make. It always had been.

He cheated in tracking down Eames. An hour earlier and he'd have looked in every bar and hole in the wall dive near the warehouse. Instead he used the GPS in Eames' phone, figuring the other man hadn't known Arthur had turned it on one day after realizing just how close Eames and Ariadne were. He had to look out for her, now, then, always.

In the time between leaving her place and arriving at the bar, he had pulled himself together. Pushing open the door, standing there lit by pulsating neon and dim behind the bar lights, Arthur wasn't thinking of the image he presented. Stony face with his jaw tight and dark eyes narrowed, his suit impeccable and probably costing more than the cars some of the people drove. He didn't care about anything but tracking down Eames and doing what he'd promised. Finding out just where things stood.

And if he got angry enough over the replaying image in his head - the one of Eames smiling as he shot himself - then he had no qualms about settling this with a hard right other than words.

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"Just be thankful I didn't drag you out of there by your new tattoo," he growled softly. "If I had tracked you down before..." He froze at that, sighing. He slumped slightly, having the thought to lean in to Eames for comfort, except he didn't deserve comfort. He'd done this himself.

"I've screwed up so hard."

"You really haven't," Eames reply is soft, thoughtful as he drags a hand through the hair at the nape of Arthur's neck. "You can fix it, darling. I've seen you get your way out of worst things than this."

Pressing his lips just above Arthur's temple, Eames closes his eyes for just the breifest moment, just allowing himself this one thing before he speaks, "Come on then Arthur, if we've got to put the world to rights we shouldn't be hanging around in dank alleyways. And I think we're getting in the way of a drug exchange."

"Yeah, bullets and contracts on my life are easier to deal with than l..." He stopped, sighing softly. "I'm being a greedy bastard, Eames. I can't..." He shook his head slightly, not wanting to move.

No, that wasn't true. He utterly wanted to move out of the alley, and bath. Perhaps in bleach. But moving meant possibly never having this again. "I never set out to hurt her. Or you." Except he knew he had hurt Eames. Twice now.

"Yes you can," He sounds gentle, soothing and that's just the way he has to be, the way he wants to be because these two are something and Eames isn't letting this go wrong, "Come on, you've faced down the worst crap in the world. I know Ariadne's tiny and furious, but she's Ariadne and you know she's probably doing her mind in with worry."

"I almost left," he admitted. "Not looking for you, just getting out my emergency id and walked away. For her." He paused only a second. "And you."

He rested his brow against Eames. "What do you want," he asked, realizing he'd maybe never asked anyone that outside of a job in his life.

"I want-" he pauses, blinking suddenly because what does he want? He's too drunk, too tired for this to make any sense so he does what he does best, breaking it down to the very core, the very centre of his feeling, "I want us to stick together, the three of us. I don't care what happens anymore, I don't give a shit about how weird this fucking is and what's going to happen down the line, or anything like that."

He takes another breath, trying to focus, trying to remember what it felt like before, without either of them and it was simple, yes but lonely in a way he doesn't really like, harsher. "I'm stupidly used to her asking too many questions, I'm stuck on you being there, I don't know if I could deal with that not being like it is anymore. Whatever happens, Arthur. I just want to make sure that we're all okay. I don't care about the other stuff."

It was then that Arthur smiled, a genuine smile. He squeezed Eames' hand, nuzzling lightly against the corner of his mouth. "Good. That's how I feel. I walked away from everything and everyone for Dom and he needed me but... I need what I've had recently. Even if you infuriate me to no end and we're going to fight constantly and I will probably give you more hell than I have before. I had my family before with you and Mal and Dom. I don't want to lose something like that again."

He chuckled. "Except I never kissed either of them."

"Oh darling, don't think because we've snogged in an alleyway that I'm going to let you have it easy. I'm still going to be there, finding all those little buttons of yours."

And then, he's pulling Arthur back, tugging on his jacket as he brings their mouths together in a deep, soft kiss. He hums into it, pressing his advantage and pulling Arthur's bottom lip between his teeth before he lets go, leans back, licks his own lips and grins.

"That was for luck."

Edited 2011-01-09 03:23 (UTC)

"Oh well, damn. There went that plan."

But then they were kissing again, and he groaned into the kiss. How had he not done this years before? He didn't know but God, the alley seemed a million miles away and he didn't care something was seeping into the linen of his trousers.

Wait, yes he did. Even if his entire body seemed to thrum with electricity at that tug on his lip.

"I'm kneeling in an alley," he muttered softly. "I'm going to have a moment of panic soon."

"Then get up, honestly Arthur. Aren't you supposed to be the clever one?"

He pushes at his shoulder a little, not even hard enough to rock him before he's pulling that abandoned sleeve of his back on and pulling a face.

"It is, quite possible, that my entire body has gone to sleep. In that event you might just have to leave me here. I'm sure I won't be eaten by dogs."

"I'm not leaving you again," he said, deadly serious even as he moved to his feet with a face. "Oh God. I don't even want to know what it is. I'm burning these slacks."

He offered his hand. "Get up or I call Ariadne." He wasn't sure he would, all things considered, but it seemed a good threat.

Edited 2011-01-09 03:42 (UTC)

"You're calling her anyway," Eames mutters, pushing up and wobbling slightly as both gravity and the tingling in his foot decide to play. Which is totally the reason why he puts his hand on Arthur's arm to steady himself. And why he grins ever so slightly, "Or you're going round now. Either or, Arthur."

Already Arthur was sliding an arm around Eames, holding him close... or up. He can take his pick. "I don't... Eames, I don't know if she wants to hear from me. Besides, what would I tell her?"

Eames leans into him as easily as breathing and it's probably because the cold, harsh light of day still hasn't hit, but it feels like it fits to him. Shaking his head, voice close to Arthur's ear, "The truth, darling. She is one of the bravest, brightest little things I know and she'll deal with it. She loves you. You'd be surprised to find out just how much that makes a difference."

Arthur snorted softly, turning to wrap his other arm around Eames, wanting that closeness for the moments he might have it, fearful deep down it might never happen again.

"I don't see it changing that I want you both," he said, not talking around it as he had earlier. "Nor should it. She deserves better than that. As do you," he said, reluctantly pulling back slightly, aching not to move away. "I can be happy just to have... what we had before my drinking. That is good enough for me." Just not to lose another family in his lifetime.

"Yes, well. You're selling our unflinching ability to deal very short, Arthur."

He leans right back into Arthur's space, eyes a little too wide and serious when it's this time of night and he is fairly certain they are getting in the way of a drugs exchange, "Maybe, just maybe darling, you're worth sorting this out for. Have you ever thought that?"

He doesn't pull away but that stony expression falls back into place. "I should get you home before you end up sleeping in this alley and then I have to bleach you."

Not even answering the question, which is answer in and of itself.

And that, Eames expression flickers for a moment before he's pushing Arthur back, pinning him to the wall and he doesn't care about the fucking alley-way or anything else because the fact that Arthur is already doing this is making him feel sick.

"You really don't get it, you don't get this at all. We care you stupid, annoying, frustrating twat. I know Ariadne, and I know how I feel and you - are fucking worth sorting this out for. Now just -" Growling, because he doesn't have any words for I love you you idiot and stop talking before I punch you, "Stop. Mm? Just stop. I'm not going to Morocco for you, arsehole. And I need a fucking holiday."

"Wall! Suit!"

He wriggled a moment, then realized he was only doing more damage than good. Not unless he was going to turn this into the fist fight it nearly started as.

"All I'm saying is that if it can't be worked out, I..." H cleared his throat. "I need you two in my life." It was a huge admission for him. "I realize that, and if it means not having the way you kiss me, or how perfect she is perched on my lap, so be it. That's all." Except it wasn't all but it was easier than anything else he could say.

"You need a smoke before one of us kills you. Or, more importantly, I do." Definitely trying to distract things.

"God yes," he really does and he sighs as he drops his head to Arthur's shoulder for a minute, "Darling, I adore you but the fucking smoking. I itch in my goddamn veins."

And just like that he's moving away, hands in his pockets, weaving slightly as he walks, "I need to talk to Ariadne."

"I never asked you to quit," he pointed out. "I just wanted you inside and safe," he pointed out, blinking as he started to walk away. For a moment Arthur didn't follow, unsure if he should or was meant to.

"Come on then, arsehole," Eames calls out, practically spilling out around the crowds at the top of the alleyway.

Arthur sighed, straightening jacket. "This is what I get for objecting to Darling," he muttered, his gait quick enough to bring him to Eames' side.

Eames doesn't speak much because it's taking all of his considerably lacking energy to remember that walking involves putting one foot in front of the other. But he does have something to ask, quiet again, less antagonistic,

"Do you trust me?"

Of all the things Eames could ask, that wasn't what Arthur was expecting. Despite the crowds around them, the people and all, his hand brushed the back of Eames' and then he took his hand. Only a moment, squeezing his fingers before moving his hand away.

"I do. I have for a long time."

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