loadedparadox | Risking everything he never knew he had

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Risking everything he never knew he had - For eamesofdreams

It was like a dream collapsing around you after the dreamer woke up. It was all falling apart before Arthur had ever really had a chance to know what he had. He hadn't wanted to leave Ariadne, holding that petite form to his with a hope that it would just all go away. Except it wouldn't and she was right. She deserved to know everything, to make an informed decision. Deep down he knew it was all hers to make. It always had been.

He cheated in tracking down Eames. An hour earlier and he'd have looked in every bar and hole in the wall dive near the warehouse. Instead he used the GPS in Eames' phone, figuring the other man hadn't known Arthur had turned it on one day after realizing just how close Eames and Ariadne were. He had to look out for her, now, then, always.

In the time between leaving her place and arriving at the bar, he had pulled himself together. Pushing open the door, standing there lit by pulsating neon and dim behind the bar lights, Arthur wasn't thinking of the image he presented. Stony face with his jaw tight and dark eyes narrowed, his suit impeccable and probably costing more than the cars some of the people drove. He didn't care about anything but tracking down Eames and doing what he'd promised. Finding out just where things stood.

And if he got angry enough over the replaying image in his head - the one of Eames smiling as he shot himself - then he had no qualms about settling this with a hard right other than words.

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Arthur snorted softly, turning to wrap his other arm around Eames, wanting that closeness for the moments he might have it, fearful deep down it might never happen again.

"I don't see it changing that I want you both," he said, not talking around it as he had earlier. "Nor should it. She deserves better than that. As do you," he said, reluctantly pulling back slightly, aching not to move away. "I can be happy just to have... what we had before my drinking. That is good enough for me." Just not to lose another family in his lifetime.

"Yes, well. You're selling our unflinching ability to deal very short, Arthur."

He leans right back into Arthur's space, eyes a little too wide and serious when it's this time of night and he is fairly certain they are getting in the way of a drugs exchange, "Maybe, just maybe darling, you're worth sorting this out for. Have you ever thought that?"

He doesn't pull away but that stony expression falls back into place. "I should get you home before you end up sleeping in this alley and then I have to bleach you."

Not even answering the question, which is answer in and of itself.

And that, Eames expression flickers for a moment before he's pushing Arthur back, pinning him to the wall and he doesn't care about the fucking alley-way or anything else because the fact that Arthur is already doing this is making him feel sick.

"You really don't get it, you don't get this at all. We care you stupid, annoying, frustrating twat. I know Ariadne, and I know how I feel and you - are fucking worth sorting this out for. Now just -" Growling, because he doesn't have any words for I love you you idiot and stop talking before I punch you, "Stop. Mm? Just stop. I'm not going to Morocco for you, arsehole. And I need a fucking holiday."

"Wall! Suit!"

He wriggled a moment, then realized he was only doing more damage than good. Not unless he was going to turn this into the fist fight it nearly started as.

"All I'm saying is that if it can't be worked out, I..." H cleared his throat. "I need you two in my life." It was a huge admission for him. "I realize that, and if it means not having the way you kiss me, or how perfect she is perched on my lap, so be it. That's all." Except it wasn't all but it was easier than anything else he could say.

"You need a smoke before one of us kills you. Or, more importantly, I do." Definitely trying to distract things.

"God yes," he really does and he sighs as he drops his head to Arthur's shoulder for a minute, "Darling, I adore you but the fucking smoking. I itch in my goddamn veins."

And just like that he's moving away, hands in his pockets, weaving slightly as he walks, "I need to talk to Ariadne."

"I never asked you to quit," he pointed out. "I just wanted you inside and safe," he pointed out, blinking as he started to walk away. For a moment Arthur didn't follow, unsure if he should or was meant to.

"Come on then, arsehole," Eames calls out, practically spilling out around the crowds at the top of the alleyway.

Arthur sighed, straightening jacket. "This is what I get for objecting to Darling," he muttered, his gait quick enough to bring him to Eames' side.

Eames doesn't speak much because it's taking all of his considerably lacking energy to remember that walking involves putting one foot in front of the other. But he does have something to ask, quiet again, less antagonistic,

"Do you trust me?"

Of all the things Eames could ask, that wasn't what Arthur was expecting. Despite the crowds around them, the people and all, his hand brushed the back of Eames' and then he took his hand. Only a moment, squeezing his fingers before moving his hand away.

"I do. I have for a long time."

"Then trust me on this, Arthur. I've got your back, I always have had."

And just, more walking. Trying to make sure he keeps his mind focused and everything.

"I can't blame her if she wants nothing to do with me after this," he said, voice just loud enough to be heard. "This is why I keep myself separate from people."

"Shh." Eames waves his hand in Arthur's direction, trying to hush him. "I know people, Arthur. I can read just about anyone. So believe me, I would know if I were leading you into the lion's den."

"Then how could you think I hated you," he challenged, arching a brow. "Right. Trusting you. If she hits me, I'm hitting you later."

"That's different, and maybe one day I'll explain all of that to you darling, but right now it's irrelevant."

He throws Arthur a look over his shoulder, the slightest of smiles, "You keep saying that. I doubt you're actually going to do it though."

"If you had been there when I came out of the dream, I would have." He had no doubt about that. "And then I would have left." Likely for good. Instead he'd talked to Ariadne and gotten himself here. 'Besides, you'd probably like it too much."

"Contrary to popular belief, I don't actually like having my arse handed to me. Being a soldier makes that less kinky than you'd believe."

Arthur paused then, considering that but he said nothing, filing it away. "I've made a point of trying to ignore your sexual proclivities due to my need not to think about it."

Apparently, Eames doesn't even realise what he's said, the little slip-up of information that he's just given out. He shrugs, keeping his hands in his pockets to give him something to do and there's another ghost of a smile on his face when he looks back, "Best not, Arthur."

Arthur chuckled. "You might have to deal with me doing it from here on out though. I do feel I have a stake in this."

He raises an eyebrow, expression a little close, interested, amused and wholly fond all at the same time, "A gentleman never lets on."

Arthur paused a step, straightened his shoulders. "Yes, of course. Certainly not my business what you, or Ariadne do. Forgive me overstepping my bounds."

He frowns, before falling right into step beside Arthur, shoulders brushing slightly as he walks. Dropping his voice, Eames leans in so that only Arthur can hear, "Nobody ever made out I was actually a gentleman, Arthur. Be good and I might just tell you all about it, mm?"

Arthur nearly laughed but the sound wasn't quite humourous. "Eames, after what I've admitted tonight, do you truly think I want to know about your sexual exploits with ever? At least without wanting to see them destroyed?" Possessive, much?

"Not that I'm saying others socializing with you is going to upset me, I just don't wish to know."

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